I’m in Paris.

Haha Friends and Neighbors. I bet you thought this would be a post about one of two things: how beautiful Paris is or cooking.

HAHAHAH WRONG.

After our load-in day at the theatre today, I got the evening off.  I took the metro to the hotel, cooked up some pasta, ate the pasta, and now I’m doing something truly extraordinary.

I’m dyeing socks blue, In Paris, IN MY EVENING OFF.

Why?

I can never stop working. That’s why.

I may walk down to the river in a bit.  I may take pictures of the Pont-Neuf (the oldest bridge in Paris. Hooray.)

But for now, I’m dyeing socks blue. There was never any other time to do this bit of my job. No one ever did it for me when I asked for it, so now I have to do it myself, in what should be a totally enjoyable, drunk-on-cotes-du-rhone evening.

So, I’ll make myself feel better by teaching you a valuable life skill: Dyeing shit blue.

Or any color, I guess.

mmmmmm blue soup.

Start with an item to dye. Cotton, linen and silk are good, they’re natural fibers. Blends like cotton and lycra are also good. Polyester is bad, it doesn’t really take color.

Then, buy dye. A lot of grocery stores and drugstores (like Duane Reade, a place that I actually MISS since I’ve been in France) carry RIT dye. That’s pretty good for everyday basic dyeing.

Get a pot of water and put it on the stove. Turn on the heat and bring the water to almost a

It's like skinned smurfs. In your sink.

boil.  Add a few tablespoons of salt and stir til it dissolves.  Pick up the item you want to dye and guess how much it weighs.  A pair of socks… maybe 4 oz? Soak the item in cold water.  Dissolve a few teaspoons of dye in the barely boiling salt water.  Now, you can do a test on the edge of an old towel or something. That’s always a good idea, but I’ve had a few so I just started off with a weak dyebath and worked up.

Dunk the soaked item into the weak bath and cook it for 5-10 minutes. Stir it constantly to get an even color.

Well, that happened.

Use a spoon to transfer the dyed item to the sink and give it a good rinse. A lot of dye might run out. The color that’s left is about 2 shades darker than the item will be when it’s dry.  So If you feel it’s too pale, plop some more teaspoons of dye and salt into the pot, add a little water, let it boil and put the wet clothing item back in.  Let it cook some more.  Repeat the rinsing and cold -hand -washing thing until you’ve got the color you want.  If you’ve never done this before, I recommend drinking heavily, consulting a guide other than this, and not using a clothing item you really care about on your first time out.

Hooray, you’re dyeing your own clothes.

Hey! It’s a lot more fun than it sounds and also it’s more fun if you watch this at the same time:

When you get to 6:30-7:05, you’ll know how I feel in Paris.

Also, this happened. Enjoy dyeing everything you own blue.

And maybe you’ll have some blue socks.

Cheers.